How-to-Do Girls Intro to Bikini Calculus
"Do it right, Ask a Girl"

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Jaime Lynn gives calculus help introducing the basic principals in this tutorial. Girls in bikinis + calculus? See for yourself.

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Overview

This episode was suppose to have both Paige & Jaime Lynn but the food didn't show up at the studio that morning and Paige was suffering from hypoglycemia. She just couldn't perform until she ate. So with a quick re-write Jaime Lynn took on the entire episode herself.

Intro to Bikini Calculus was release Jul 31, 2004 on SuprNova.com, the infamous BitTorrent site which was shut down by the MPAA. Using nothing more than a home computer and cable internet connection we distributed 2000 copies the first day. Since 2004 when it was released it has been seen over a million times. It made the Top 10 on iFilm.com, and just recently Google Videos. It seems every new school term people find it and the popularity takes off again.

Full Script

Most people run into calculus when they're freshmen in college. For some reason, colleges use calculus as a weeder class. It's sort of like how girls have certain little tests guys must pass to get to first base. Isn't that frustrating? There you are feeling great about being accepted and thinking you'll be able to do it, then suddenly you have to prove yourself all over again.

I'll tell you a secret. Its easy once you think about it correctly.

Calculus is a trick to divide by zero. OK, the picky math types might argue that it isn't but we don't want to argue, we just want to get it. So the easiest way to get it, is to look at calculus as a trick to divide by zero. Got it? Now lets get some more.

Calculus is like other mathematical operations. Just like subtraction is the opposite of addition and division is the opposite of multiplication, calculus goes both ways. Now isn't that interesting!

One side of calculus is called differential calculus, the other is called integral calculus. Integral calculus is the easiest to understand that's why colleges teach it second. See what I mean about those little tests to see how far you'll get? But, don't worry; we'll go all the way.

So what is integral calculus? Integral calculus is a way to calculate the area under a curve. Measuring rectangles are easy simply multiply the width, by the height. [fade to sexy body pose] But for curves you need integral calculus.

Maybe it will help to look at some curves. See, that is the curve. This is the area under the curve. We only measure the area to a straight line, beneath that could be other curves but those are off limits, for now [wink].

We could try to measure this area using rectangles but you notice that it misses all these bits. You don't want to loose any of these do you?

If we use smaller rectangles we get more of what we want. So, if we use smaller and smaller rectangles they eventually are zero width. This is what I meant by saying it is a trick to divide by zero. See, you fill the entire area.

When we add up the areas of all the zero width pieces we "integrate the pieces" and that is the area under the curve. When you integrate you get the sum of the areas; that is why the symbol for integration [show ? ] looks like an S, it's how you get sums. See calculus is fun. [press against clear board]

I'll give you a chance to appreciate what you just learned about integral calculus. OK, now are you ready for more?

The opposite of integral calculus is differential calculus. Guess what differential calculus is about? Differences. You can tell the difference between things right? [quick flash ugly drag queen]

I told you before that integral calculus is easier to understand. Well, differential calculus is easier to do. Sort of like girls, huh? There are only six formulas. You can count to six without even using two hands.

You probably won't need both hands, but if you do (introspective pause) please pay attention to me (begging).

So, differential calculus is about differences. Specifically, when one thing changes how another thing changes. We call that the rate of change.

[show chart] This chart shows all the values of ƒ based on this range of u. ƒ is what we call a function. [pop up link about functions]

Starting at zero as u gets bigger ƒ increases, that's a positive rate of change. We can see that ƒ increases until u gets to be this big then ƒ stops increasing and starts decreasing, that's a negative rate of change.

Lets look at a real life example. What can we use demonstrates rates of change? Hmmmm. I know, gravity. Isaac Newton created calculus to be able to figure out gravity. He needed a way to track heavenly bodies moving in space.

Following Newton's example lets look at a body moving in space.

[girl bouncing on a trampoline] "This isn't mindless misogynistic fun."

Lets graph the motion over time. If we start here and move this direction this much it goes up this much. If we continue to move this direction the same amount it goes up faster. The rate of change increases. Then at this point it starts slowing down until we get to this point when it stops going up. The rate of change is zero. Now if we keep moving this direction the curve starts going down.

In a nutshell that's calculus.